I met someone a few years ago. She was the receptionist at my Doctors office. I found out her husband was also diabetic. She sent this, which she wrote a few months ago, to me. It's a good look at the frustration a diabetic's family member has to deal with and addresses some of the misunderstandings of the disease. I'm happy to post it here as a guest post...
I Married Diabetes
Let me begin by saying that I do not have a medical degree. This is based on my life experience being married to a diabetic. I am writing this to encourage you to stand by their side and help them, especially when they are tired of trying. Remember, they did not choose to become diabetic.
Growing up my understanding of Diabetes was very different than the reality of it. I thought having Diabetes was just not eating sugar and sometimes taking a shot. And worse case scenario, you could get Gangrene and have a leg amputated.
I did not realize that Diabetes is a lifestyle. Diabetes is a daily thing, it doesn’t take a vacation.
There are Type I Diabetics that require insulin. There are Type 2 Diabetics that control it with diet and/or pills and sometimes insulin included in that regimen.
When I first met Jerry, who is now my husband, I shortly learned that he was a diabetic. I still didn’t fully understand diabetes. Jerry would sometimes start with trembling hands, which meant that his blood sugar was low and he needed a sugar fix. He would pop some raisins in his mouth and the natural sugar from that would raise his blood sugars.
If someone’s blood sugar is too low (hypoglycemic) they require sugar. If their blood sugar is too high (hyperglycemia) they require insulin. It can be a difficult balance to maintain.
Before we were married, I walked in and noticed Jerry was lying face down on the bed, presumably taking a nap, and his hands were shaking. I tried to get him to sit up, his eyes were open, but he wouldn’t speak to me. I didn’t realize at that time that he was unconscious, I thought he was messing with me. I went and got him some raisins and offered them to him but he didn’t respond. I still didn’t know what was going on and God was very merciful because what I did wasn’t the best course of action, I learned later that it was actually dangerous. I put raisins in his mouth and tried to move his jaws to get him to chew. He was still staring at me and I still thought he was being obstinate, I didn’t realize he was in trouble. He did stop shaking and closed his eyes and calmed down. I tried to wake him a bit later but he just stared at me. I thought, I know, he always answers the phone when it rings, so I called his parents who lived really close and asked his mom to call him. He didn’t move when the phone rang. It rang and rang and rang. I picked up and tried to get him to take the call from his mom. His mom said they were coming over we had to go to the ER. He was indeed, hypoglycemic and required intravenous glucose to bring him around. Apparently from what they tell me, a little bit longer, and without the sugar that I gave him prior with the raisins, he would have died.
Jerry lived in a small town and was seeing an Internist. He was on a single shot of insulin regimen, but that wasn’t working too well for him. So, I called my mom and asked her about the doctor that a lady we knew went to. This doctor turned her life around. He was an endocrinologist.
Endocrinology is the study of glands. The pancreas is the insulin-secreting gland in our body.
After we were married, I finally got him to agree to an appointment with the Endocrinologist.
Going to the Endocrinologist was the beginning of all kinds of things. We learned diabetic education, various regimens and how to fine-tune the diabetes for my husband. I learned that it’s a team effort. I learned how to properly handle a low blood sugar when he was unconscious. I married diabetes. In sickness and in health, from this day forward, the two of us were on this journey together.
We started on a regimen of multiple injections, instead of just the one time daily dose that would peak and drop him. Then came newer insulins that offered a lot of promise. Then the insulin pump, which worked for a while, but then due to my husband being so thin and building up scar tissue, was unable to utilize it anymore, so back to the multiple injections.
There is always so much going on in Endocrinology, new options, but some things remain the same, you have to monitor the blood sugars and respond appropriately. For everyone, that isn’t the same, the doctor and their educators work with you for your individual situation.
Unlike a lot of people, my husband is a brittle insulin dependent diabetic. So, even with the best of attention given to his situation, the results won’t always be the most desirable.
Over the years I have heard a lot of people tell me that it’s his responsibility. But that is only partially true. When a diabetic is unconscious, they can’t instruct you what to do, it’s imperative that you, the family member know how to handle things.
Also, as a spouse, you are the cheerleader. When the diabetic is tired of being a diabetic, it’s time to step up your game to encourage them to keep up the good fight and not to give up. You need to be there for them the same way that you’d want them to be there for you.
There are times they will say things that will hurt your feelings and break your heart but you have to realize it’s the diabetes talking and not the person. Especially when you know the person would never treat you that way under normal circumstances. When a diabetic is very low or very high, there is no telling what will come out of their mouth. They will sometimes reflect that of a drunk. You have to learn to let what they say go because they can’t always help it.
There are times your plans for the day/evening can immediately change due to a blood sugar. Be kind to them. And sometimes, after a big fluctuation in blood sugar, they may require a nap, understand, their body has just went through a lot of work, swinging from low to high or high to low, that’s a lot of work on the heart and the rest of the body.
We have gone back and forth a lot over the years. Jerry would try and try, and do what was expected of him and while it worked, he was great. But, then, his body would reject that plan and we’d have to switch to something else.
In two days we will be married 31 years. It has been one big roller coaster ride. Fortunately, God blessed me with a lot of diabetic educated people to support me when others told me it wasn't my problem.
Much like being a parent, there were times that I would set the alarm clock to get up and check his blood sugar during the night, due to the circumstance we would be dealing with. There were times that God would wake me to check him and he would be in trouble and I’d have to wake him and say, “eat this, your blood sugar is low”.
After 10 years of marriage, we actually went through what turned out to be a miraculous situation. Jerry was losing weight like crazy and his blood sugars couldn’t be controlled regardless of what we did. The doctor ordered a test, and the doctor performing the test noticed a little pimple on his throat that turned out to be a fast killing throat cancer. God mercifully got us through the throat cancer without chemo or radiation. Again, a learning situation for me, learning what to do when they have a trach and a feeding tube and have a low blood sugar. So many things happened, but God is so faithful and Jerry is still with us.
I could write for a long time of the ups and downs of diabetes. I know parents who deal with this disease with their children. There are spouses that deal with the pancreas transplant and the roller coaster ride that is.
If you know someone who is diabetic, become educated. Learn how to help them. Most importantly, don’t give up on them and walk away. Yes, there are days they are ready to give up, encourage them, empathize with them, love them and allow them to come to grips with it.
It’s not a fun disease, it can be relentless. Seek the expertise of an Endocrinologist, and a diabetic educator and dietitian and if need be, a support group to help you along the way. Talk about it, don’t hide it, education is the key. Love the diabetic, even when they can’t love themselves.
